Making A Difference; Making A Huge Change

This is not going to be my usual blog. I had a very profound thing happen to me yesterday, that changed my gears and course in life.

First I must put my fears aside of being open and sharing things with people. I had some bad experiences with being too open and had it backfire on me, and could not handle the hurt that followed. So I closed myself off to getting close to people. Did not want to trust people. But slowly it’s been fading and I want to reach out and open up again. I am not one to complain or say “oh woe as me”. I have always seen life as being a struggle on different level for many people, so who am I to complain? But my life the last year has been a huge transformation. Many of you know my ex had just left me and my 3 children. He and I had been together 15 years. We tried to work things out and even had another baby who is now 2. But he just decided I guess he did not want to be part of this anymore and just took off with someone else. I was evicted from my home because I was not able to afford it on my own with 3 children this last June. I won’t go into all the stuff in between. I will only say that I have worked my way out of being homeless and got myself some training and brushed up on my business skills. I was gearing to getting my own home and running my own business. I am a writer by gift and can sing really well. I even thought about that on the side. I had been on Twitter and myspace trying to work some stuff up for my own promotions of the new venture I was going to do. But something felt missing. I found myself feeling less drawn to it all after being surrounded by people bombarding me with links to their “new innovative course!” or their “how to be successful on line” stuff. Get a free present and sign up now! I mean everyone and their Mother is doing this. It hit me, I am not on line to do this stuff. I wanted to just connect with other like souls with honest intentions besides making huge amounts of money, and just have a deep chat or a fantastic laugh. I try to show support to people I believe in. I always do, without really needing much back. I am not the, “now what are you gonna do for me?” type. That’s bullshit. If I go to your concert, buy your book or link your website, it’s because I think it’s fucking amazing. It impacted me in some way. Nothing more. But I regress. I could make money on line and sell you a vacation on the moon, but big deal. My soul is hurting for something more. So I had applied a bit back for a grant to continue schooling. To me a education and knowledge is such power. To work on the soul and the mind feels good to me as well as my body. I had found out that my grant went through! I got it!!!

Now, what do I want to learn? I was signing up for these business courses again wanting to become this mastermind like everyone I was meeting online. I wanted to fit in and be successful for once in my life. I went as far as sending in my picks. But I was not sleeping and felt lost about it.

I thought I will meet a really nice fella who is positive if I become this go getter. Not feel so lonely and also give people help in some way with my promotions company. But the more I went on with this, the worse I felt. WHY??? I could not understand! everyone now around me was telling me right on Reine. You did it! I am not sure the exact moment, but I called the school and told them I did not want to do the business course. I wanted to become a nurse. Now of course that’s a drastic switch, I was not really sure where the hell it came from. It just came out.

Last night, I deleted most of my twitter and most of myspace. I will keep up the poems there, because it’s my love. I reach people with my poetry. I want to help with my heart and my soul and connect with others somehow. But how? I knew last night to help them with my whole being. Not just writing poetry or blogs, not just making a business to “seem” successful. That is not for everyone. But to be a success to my own heart by helping those who are sick and in need. I start my classes in September and then I will be working in hospice. I will use my poetry and things I come to understand in my blog to help others with my love, my passions and my music. I want to feel with people. I am also going to take some Reiki courses that my uncle could help me with to learn how to use the energy to help others suffering. I know how to give to the universe with my heart and soul, not with my business sense. I know now where I must go with all this. I want to use the pain I have been feeling to remember how it feels to be lonely and help others to not feel that.

So please forgive me for taking my blog a bit off track with this entry, but this has been a huge shift for me. I have a feeling I will also find my true soulmate with this because he will be doing the same things somehow. With his heart, soul and mind. I do believe like vibrations call to each other and connect, even if we say, “oh no way”. He could be a musician or a store manager, or a train conductor, who knows. But his heart will be kind and he will be doing everything he does in and with love.

Love and light to all the kind people who take time to read my blog. xoxoxoox

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9 thoughts on “Making A Difference; Making A Huge Change

  1. Hey its great to know that there are people who have the strength in them to follow their calling even in the most dire situations. congratulation and a big applause to that big heart of yours ( :

  2. Reine, aspects of your journey sound like mine. I’d gone one further and actually done the degrees and masters, worked my arse off for years in corporate jobs, spend sleepless nights growing stress ulcers about stupid deadlines and essentially drove my marriage to the ground in the process.
    My universe twisted – I left the husband, the job and eventually the city. I started again….and I’m happy for now.
    I’ve got a new job that helps people, new friends (& a new husband) that I would never have come in contact with in my earlier life. The world was much bigger that I could have ever seen or known from where I was standing.
    Journeys can be frightening, but they are fun! And you learn so much as you travel!
    Lots of love and light back to you Reine.

    • Thank you both for taking time to read my blog and leave a very kind comment. I see when you do open up like this, you really get to see others who have been there come out and can give support and strong insight that can hlep you keep going on your path. Amrutha Bushan, it’s a pleasure to meet you and I am looking forward to reading your blog.
      Ange, you have inspired me today after reading your reply. That was a very brave and wonderful thing for you to change your life, and create what you needed from it. I look forward to geting to know you more. Thank you!

  3. How funny – I want people to buy my book so they get my message – and thank you for everything you have done for me. However I am not going to become one of these multi-level marketing guys to do it. Using a lie to sell the truth just seems wrong – and people don’t seem to want to get that 😦

    I asked Duran Duran to help me promote my tour books auction to benefit the Autism Research Centre and they said it wasn’t suitable for the official website.

    I feel very sad about it. Very sad indeed!

    They are in a position where they can really make a difference.

    It’s made me sit up and take notice of who I am.

    Wish you best of luck with everything.

    I’ll be listening!

    • Mark, you’ve been one of the biggest inspirations to me over the last month. I want you to know this. I was in a very lost spot in my life. Trusting no one. I am not sure what it was about you, but you opend me up to see with your blogs and book, that we can change our lives and create lives we really want to live in love. I cannot tell you enough how grateful I am. You are not like most of those people, believe me. That is not your soul. You reach people on a whole other level. I think your insight can help so many people and know the more people who get information about your books will be inspired too. I will continue to help in any way I can to share what I’ve found in your books and blogs with others; and encourage them to read your words.
      As for Duran Duran. I’m sorry to hear they would not help out. I am besides myself as to why (Simon seems to have this heart that shines, thought he’d be the first to help!). But I have learned in this life, sometimes we will never get answers, and have to see it for what it is. I think you have. You don’t need the site to share your auction link sweet man. The fans are the ones who will shine and step up to the plate and help your cause. I’ve seen the fans raise a lot of money in the past on their own for beautiful causes. I’ve shared the link on the message board. This is one innovative bunch of folks, they get more on their own sometimes then even the website tells them *laughs*. I’ll be listening to you as well!
      Warmest wishes Mark! xoxoxo

  4. Reine – you have taken the biggest of steps!!!! You’ve been walkabout, stopped travelling/searching, sat down, spoken to yourself, reunited with yourself.

    From my own perspective, once a life’s lesson is learned, I no longer argue with myself or others, I just create my reality from my passions. Life without passion is meaningless in the Eternal scheme of things. Wealth and fame create insecurities in many, paranoid behaviors, suspicion. It’s a trick of the mind, as is searching for answers, or having expectations. We are one, not separate. Feelings of separation come when we lose sight of who we are for a moment/minute/hour/week/month etc.

    Online there are so many who claim to be gurus, leaders, advisors, prophets, saviours, this and that, but the mind/intellect likes to play tricks. I got the greatest lesson 19 years ago.

    I stood on the borders of a greater reality when I had my accident (NDE) and I KNOW (not believe or hope) the most important thing is to follow our “own” heart, our own soul’s passion. Then life makes sense, is calm and peaceful, is whole. We can never be separated from the greater part of the whole. Ever. Doesn’t matter what we do, say, think, or demand. Our timeline is short in this physical reality.

    Life is simple. Every second, every minute, every hour, every day – give love. Works everytime!

    Anyway, thanks for sharing your heart. You have a place in mine.

    • Mr Wright, I just read your blog comment to me and It opend my heart. There have been only two other people in my life so far, that I have felt as though they really have a pure energy about them. I can sense this about you. A warm vibration that understands. I know you have become part of the divine yourself and have felt it run within you. So these beautiful words of insight and encouragement are an honor to read from you. I too feel that like your music is for you, my poetry is for me. we both write from something that runs within us and what we understand. I have been asking the universe to meet others who have this love about them, that is positive and who wants to send it back to others who are open to it. Sometimes I am not sure how I come to some things, I dream a lot and feel vibrations from others and energies. But I have a feeling you do too. I find your creativity to be deeply inspiring, as I feel that is a vibration that reaches all humanity on another level of being. Over the week I am looking forward to reading your lyrics and exploring your music. To sing and write is sharing the essence of the soul. I know it makes a person shine and bring their vibration levels very high.
      So thank you for the inspiration and kindness, you have found a place in my heart as well.
      Love and light to you!

      Reine’

  5. Reine, I think it is wonderful that you are going back to school to become a nurse! I did the exact same thing several years ago after I kicked out my kid’s biodad. Nursing school was tough though. I became grumpy and sleep deprived but it was so worth it because now I have a stable job, nurses are always in demand, and I can provide for my family. I deal with death and dying almost everyday on my unit and I volunteered at a local inpatient Hospice. It’s hard on the soul but you have a lot of love and light in your life and alot to give. You will be a wonderful Hospice nurse!

  6. Reine i found your blog via mark’s blog via DDM – lucky happenstance or cosmic alignment, whatever you want to call it i am so glad i did.
    i really don’t go to DDM often maybe 1x a month.

    i also live in NY + write + have a 2 yr old and i think we have lots more in common. and if you would like to do some reiki exchanges with me i would be all for that assuming you have gotten to the level 2 class; if not i might be able to help with that also …. i’m subscribing to your blog i hope ya don’t mind =)

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