It’s been some time since I write a free flow of thought here; I’ve been recovering from a surgery and just needed some time to not “think” so much. Ah, but as sure as fire burns, my mind decided it was time to write and think again!
Over the last few weeks, I have had a very strong convergence happen. My spirit, heart and mind have opened to many dimensions of my existence. I’ve done some very deep meditations and connected to my higher-self. I’ve spent some time tuning into nature and the elements, my creativity and my vibrations. With this, has come once again a opening of my “sight”. This is not a choice, but a part of me I must come to terms with, that pulls me; I am always compelled to follow.
My whole life I have felt like some freak of nature, that this was a curse to have others look at me strange and push me away. Much younger, I did not turn it on, it just happened; I could “see” others light and energy. I could feel people like a moth drawn to a light. I could not help it, I would experience some in a way that made me want to be around them a lot, or just tell them they shined. Of course as a kid, these people would laugh and keep far away from me. I would never push myself on anyone, I’d just go away and leave them be. I understood they did not get what I was in awe over. They did not see themselves as I did. It was such beauty.
As a adult, it is still something I tried to bury. I stopped hugging people and looking them in the eyes. I was scared what if I see them like that and feel the pull and they freak on me? What if they laugh at me again and I scare them off? I became full of fear of people. I hated myself. Why see people like this, if no one will connect with me. What is the point of it all? I began to over eat and literally try to “destroy” my own light to make it go away. I for many years was able to keep it from surfacing. I was getting myself into all kids of relationships that did not help me grow and shine. I set out to be around people who put me down and seen me as a failure to keep my mind/soul tuned down very low. I began to see myself just like they did. I got hurt deeply many times, but it was ok because I would never be hurt on the level of before, when I was experiencing others in a more pure state/vibration/energy.
The last few weeks, something happened with all of my convergence that re-opend this awareness of others for me. I am having a hard time with it though, because my heart is on my sleeve now and I cannot help being drawn to some, who have this beautiful shine in their energy and life. I sense I have made some uncomfortable or creep-ed out. That is not a good feeling to know you are looking at such beauty and they are freaked out. I understand though, because even though they shine, they might not see what I see, or experience it like I do. I wish I could hold up mirrors and show those people what their energy looks like. How when they are being creative and full of compassion that this white- blue halo pours around them and expands. That their energy feels deeply indigo like waves and peacefulness. It’s the deepest hum of existence. It tunes into the heart and almost tunes all the chakras like a 9 dimensional ray of light. I’m sure many reading this now are asking what the hell is she on? Sadly, nothing.
This is why I am drawn to creative people, they have this affect on me. I experience their creative energy like a drop of water in a puddle. It resonates and pulls a perfect balance of everything. I no longer see their outer shell, but I see and feel this soul, that is sharing their perfect alignment of mind/soul and sending it outward for others to experience. I just wish for once, there was someone out there who would not call me freak or who would just listen to what I write in my poetry. I dunno how to help others to heal with this. Many do not understand that even if you are not “aware” of the way these creative souls can highten their vibration level just by listening to their music, looking at their art of photographs, reading their poems and stories. Even if they are not aware, they are affected. They feel drawn to it and their emotions will always come through.
So, with this blog, I am reaching out to others, maybe someone somewhere will open up and share that they too experience and understand and see all of this. I am sure I am not alone, 100% sure I am not. With this, there is nothing more for me to lose.
Love and light to all who took time to read my blog.