Oh child, it’s not the wounds that weep.
Softly, you sleep, waking into breath.
It’s the journey of consciousness.
Do not regress.
Be your truest.

Trust the emptiness.

I AM the vast
The winds that caress
In the quiet – in the smile
In the Stillness…
Touch this
Live in purpose

Take heart – when you fall apart
WE will hold our promise

Sentient is not everness
It’s experience
It’s honest
It’s all you’ve come to honor

As the light moves the presence
You know the essence
The Radiance
The Love
Eternal moments

You came for this
ALL that IS

#spirit #source #light #soul #healing #love


What breathless synopsis will this take?

A song, a glance – a simple mistake.

She has harlequin dreams and writes by the sea,

He tends a garden and sleeps with the trees.

Where do they meet, how will they touch?

Does the train to San Fransisco bring their fantasy luck?

Like old pages – they bend at the edge,

No one told them they’d regret – the silence in bed.

He painted her portraits – she sang him a hymn;

They traveled like gypsies and lived with the sin.

Young and devoted to a voice and a cause;

She was the vixen – he had a clause.

They put life on pause…

Time became a mortar – each day became a brick,

They thought they knew each other – change was moving in.

That song they wrote in Venice, turned their story line;

Now, he fell into bitterness

She turned into lies.

The martyr and the blind.

They parted on the stairway – never looking back;

All that is left of the wishes they held – is a sentence typed in black.

The Dying

It’s a slow motion – we know it’s coming. It’s been quietly set in the background for some time now. Do we face it? We tell ourselves that negative thinking is what causes it to take over. We touch it in the waves between uncertainty and weakness.

It’s always there. It never goes away.

Through the good news and good days – it just sits on the shoulder, waiting for us to acknowledge it. Does this make us pessimists? Do others see a black cloud I wonder…

I can see the changes in their faces when it’s standing behind them. When they never turn around – they can feel it watching too. I notice it in the far off glances as we say it’s a good day. I can hear them thinking; I can feel that shift of consciousness that dances between honesty and encouragement.

It’s a Artists morbid beauty – that echoing of things not said.

I test myself in the sleepless nights. I hear you breathing and it settles the moment. Does this sound paranoid? Am I wasting time trying to prepare for pain that will never truly heal?

We have perfected the fine line between mortality and silence.

Limbo at it’s most vivid.

We have not found the way to express where we are – in relevance to where it is.

I can’t even type it.

I know one day when there are years past – I will read this and there will be stillness.

I know there is love, there is life living among the relentless… there is us and we are trusting the experience.


C50 Rosetta_edited



Some time ago, you let me touch your face, your lips, your hair;

Now you turn away, half in pain – half in self consciousness, do you still care?

Days go bye, I watch you fading,

That fire in your soul while you’re creating – is waiting.

Why won’t you look in my eyes anymore?

Is it too hard to know one day you will go – that my heart will be breaking?

Time is everything when life is fading.

Do you hear me crying in the garden – feeling lost and scared you’ve forgotten.

Can you hear it in my voice, when I whisper; “it’s ok.”

Is that why, you’ve pushed me away?

I try to show the strength and I pray – you will always know your way.

Do you still feel my devotion, remember the day that you crossed an ocean?

The promise on the beach – when we took our vows, the nights under stars – the days in the clouds?

I beg somehow – you hear me now.

In those eyes when they’re tired – when they hold to the fight, I watch as you push – to keep going through the night.

You hold the light.

I would not change this journey – I walk beside you now,

I would not know this courage  – until the cancer showed me how.

Let me hold you closely, let me in your space;

This is not the end of us – forever we are graced.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings – I only know today,

I won’t hush and watch in pain –  as you drift away.

Every moment is precious, all the words will reach;

I want to kiss you every night, until you fall asleep.

As our journey heals, as it turns and flows – trust in the experience;

It’s here our breath is whole.



Here And Now

orion M42_edited

I’m not writing lyrics – to ego filled songs.

I’m creating a mantra – to guide us along.

There is no fantasy filling my brain – life is experience, we are the change.

When you can feel me – I’ll know it’s right.

The universe painted the sky with our light.

Love is creation – the music is key,

The words are the siren of energy.

This is not some mystery – some new age mentality;

No play on imagery or theosophical commonality.

In our most trying hours -how did we come to be?

We find our story, we start a journey… are you there with me?

We can spend our lives searching – seeking for connections;

We sit in the silence – deep in reflections.

All these emotions  – we lose our direction.

We’ve gone within – We’ve moved throughout;

We’ve touched beyond – we’ve come back down;

We’ve found the source – we’ve learned to ground.

Back to the space of love and sound.

From sublime to profound.

I’m calling to you,

In the here and now.


Do You See?


She is quiet in her words,

She is silent when she is hurt.

She sees the light and a new day’s birth,

Does anyone see her worth?

She holds on to the sunrise – like a whisper it will be alright.

She bows her head in surrender to every breath,

What is trust – what is left?

She gave everything to be of service.

She holds on to the vision – there is more then this.

To move through the pain and loneliness,

She finds comfort in the stillness – knowing in heaven, we don’t treat each other like this.

She asks why we forget the connections and promises?

What destroys this?

She is honest,

She is waiting,

She is present.

Life is a mirror,

Love is the gift.

Grandpa’s Shovel


It was the morning light that got me to look over at it. I had not used it in some time. Grandpa’s shovel. Symbolic it sat on a pile of dirt in the corner of the gate. He gave it to me years ago – told me it will keep me sane. I believe it has…

I was just a little kid, Grandpa would be in the garden yelling all sorts of angry stuff and digging a hole. The grand-kids thought he was nuts. We never asked – he never told. He’d just come in after all tired and grab a smoke and a coffee. I was about 9 and had a true butt kicking. Grandpa handed me the shovel and told me; “dig yourself a hole. Keep diggin’ it till you can’t dig no more. Dig it till you ain’t feelin’ no anger. Don’t worry about how big it is or what the hell you will do with it. Tell it everything that comes to your mind, scream it on in there, until your lungs hurt.” He handed me the shovel and I dug. I cried and screamed into the hole until I had blisters forming on my fingers. I could not dig anymore.  Grandpa came over and asked me how long it took me? He knew it was hours. He then asked me after looking at the size of the hole – did I think it was worth all the time I gave it? Did I feel better? I had to be honest after my hands began to hurt and say; “not really.” He then asked what I was going to do with it? Did I have something to plant? I was mad at him because he told me not to worry about that. He then said; “the thing about it is – all that time we give anger, we dig ourselves a big hole inside. Then after we do it, we don’t have anything to fill it with. We wind – up falling right in if we’re not careful.” He then went on to tell me that it feels really good to let it all out. Get that anger on out. It’s safe to do it like that. But… it also puts it all into perspective. It makes us step back after and truly see how angry we were and wonder how and why we got to that point. All we can do then is either plant something – or fill it. He then laughed and said; “how the hell do ya think your Grandma got all them trees and roses!” Grandpa also told me to be careful to make sure that if I plant something – I change my intention. He said add a little love in the soil so what ever grows spreads that through the earth – not your anger.


I had quite a few flowers bloom from a space of tears or anger. These days – I only use the shovel to turn the soil and plant with loving intentions. I may pass it on one day with the story if need be. Right now though – it sits waiting for a sunny day and a promise that only a plant may bring of tomorrows.

Music Makers (Bless You)



180126150222For you who walked this earth without fear,

For you who created a sacred space with tears,

For you who infused sound with purpose, who traced our beings with words,

For you who felt every emotion with color, woke in the sunrise with an open heart.

For you who moved forward without bounds.

For you who seen the faces of love in the beautiful and the solemn.

Every note you ever wrote… was a promise.

For you who never chose lies over honor.

For you who painted a melodic story, told the truth in the times of torment.

For you who shouted in the darkness, who seen the spark in us – knew it would make us hold on…

For you who held a guitar like a savior, whispered hymns to the strings like Angels,

We thank you.

We surrender to the voice of patience.

We need the music in our lives like nature.

When nothing else can reach us, when nothing seems to teach us,

When life has no other explanations…

Your melody is the motivation.

It moves our soul to make the changes.

This is for the hours of meaningful isolation… so the muse comes to surface when you can’t hear it.

Know we listen and appreciate it.

Please… never stop creating.






The Poetic Garden (For Monty Don)

Oct28th2014 020

Born a Child of Nature – the soil nurtured you.

Hands strong with love and intention – your fingers became the roots.

There was life and breath within the land – you felt it with your soul;

You planted seeds of trust and truth  – this made the poetry grow.

You knew how flora captured light – you painted a garden’s grace;

You heard the symphony of the flowers  – then you planted a melodic space.

In your heart is a story – you’ve written it  in the meadow;

In every seed and every stone – resonates your echo.

A lifetime of moments by an apple tree – a exuberant presence on the tip of a leaf.

The taste of sun in a strawberry, the scent of love in a swaying lily.

The texture of wood is possibility…

Creation sighs at the vibrant beauty.

This is the healing we learn from Monty.





m51 whirlpool 03262018 2

Here is the place, where my heart is safe,

Where my dreams unfold as they resonate.

This is where I surrender, where my soul remembers;

A infinite embrace.

Here is where you will find me – in stillness, holding grace.

Bowing in awe as my life creates.

This is my lover, my secret;

My sanctuary.


Breathless (Inspired by David Lynch)

runningman 2

Write the words with me,
A benediction to our beautiful journey.
Sing the verse with me,
We love like a melody.
Dream into me,
Lets collide with velocity.
Breathless, weightless, filled with serendipity.

Whisper your story across my soul.

Etch my days like glass and pour through my heart like a tonic of fire.

Sway in the tide of deep blue hues – under the velvet sky.

Sparkling moments standing still, feels like a spindle of stars bending light.

Can you reach so far… that every motion is a true devotion, that makes us whole.

Every silence, resonates a harmonic note.

Let go.

My perfect symphony – I behold,


Your voice is gold.




Adirondack Aromatherapy

This blog is not my usual writings. This blog is to share a very special company who’s creator is in my experience and opinion a deeply gifted soul.

Gretchen Morganstern and her Husband Thomas Morganstern are incredible hearts.

Gretchen creates Aromatherapy with a intuitive insight I have only experienced with her. The blends she forms are truly the highest quality and last longer then any I have used. Believe me – I’ve tried many essential oils, from all over the world.

I have asked Gretchen many times to create personal blends for me because of various reasons. One being to help with pain meditation, insomnia, nausea and connecting with my Angels.  I use her blends in my diffuser (I bought from her) and in my bath as well as on myself. Gretchen always makes sure we use her oils correctly and that we understand what they are used for. She explains any dangers and misuses that many other companies neglect to or do not have the knowledge to.

Every order I have placed has come quickly and wrapped with such graceful intricate detail. Right away as I open the package… there are beautiful scents and bows, lace and trinkets that are always directly personal to the soul. The energy comes right through. This last blend came at the most profound time for me. I’ve been healing recently from having my uterus removed due to cancer cells found. I had a life threatening complication due to a infection and it knocked me through a loop. I usually bound back – this was taking a bit longer then expected. Gretchen had been an Angel for me explaining exactly what would help with my feeling sick from all the anesthesia I was given.  I learned how ginger, vaporized was amazing for this. I fell in love with her blends called Pressure Off as well as it soothed my tummy fast.

Gretchen created a scent called Reine’ and with her healing intuitive ability – she knew the oils that would raise my energy/vibration to what I was experiencing right now. She also sent a reading with a very powerful affirmation that resonated so strong for me. The blue Butterfly is what really blew me away. As of late many have been telling me they “seen” me as a blue butterfly in dreams or as a soul/astral experience (something Gretchen would not know) and she sent a wonderful blue butterfly I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Gretchen is also a Reiki Master, I have experienced the energetic balancing/healing from a distance sent and with all my heart – so very grateful.

Anything one falls in love with from their shop is getting the purest and most lovingly created product if it be oils, soaps, scents or the magical array of Aromatherapy jewelry offered.

I know those reading my blog are open souls who understand the immaculate resonance of Aromatherapy and the healing it brings. Go have a look in ADK Aromatherapy… I promise you will be so very glad you have.





Cheap Astro Imaging!

This was done to show all those folks like myself who cannot afford thousands of dollars worth of astronomical equipment – you CAN enjoy imaging.

Is it the best quality; no! The idea is to see what the naked eye cannot in a scope.

These were taken with a Tasco scope I found for 13 dollars in the thrift store. I used a Skyraider agc 1.2 guide cam to capture the images using Mallincam software. – stacked a few in astro toaster.

The mount is a Bresser exos2 automated with stepper motors and EQ mod, not guided only tracking with 1 min subframes.  I am by no means a pro or claiming to be – it’s just good fun and amazing to see this in our amazing Universe.

Reine’ (Doesn’t Live Here)

Reach out with your loving voice,
Take her hand and sing (to her)
You’ll have no regrets.
This time it must be honest.
What did you expect?
You never kept your promise.

Reine, doesn’t live here anymore
She left an open door
The sky was broken and it poured
Reine,’ doesn’t live here anymore

Reach through as a guiding star
She can hear you when you’re not playing (a part)
Not sure where you should start?
Silence never helped the moment.

Reine, doesn’t live here anymore
She left an open door
The space that once
Echoed in the dark
Is calling for your presence
Calling for your essence
Calling for your heart




You whisper your story;
With dreaming breath.
To touch my soul;
Beside my bed.

A subtle trace – forms a silhouette;
Your echo blends with every footstep.
A smile shifts in vivid intent,
The evening moves with your quiet secrets;
The room is filled with melodic scents;
I surrender to the essence.

You whisper your story;
I catch my breath,
You touch my soul;
Beside my bed.
Is it in my heart – is it from my head;
I’m calling you closer to my bed.

The eyes in sunlight
Form an ideal;
Do we let them decide for us,
What is real?
In the darkness – what is guarded falls,
Inhibitions seep, beyond the walls.

You whisper your desire,
Beneath your breath,
You touch my soul,
Beside my bed,
Can you tame this heart – can you calm this head?
I’m calling you closer to my bed.

Dear Spirit

Dear Spirit, Angels and Guides

I can’t seem to find my connection in the light.

I know it’s there – in the stillness of my heart,

I faltered in trust and it tore me apart.

Dear Spirit, I took ten steps back, pushed aside all you showed me,

Left my world feeling black.

I don’t have money to get psychic assistance, can’t afford a tarot reading or an
Angel message.

I am asking in mercy, surrender and truth – please Spirit can you remind me of all that I knew?

Will you help me to listen and go deep within, to remember my purpose and find peace again?

I beg of you Spirit, may I be of service?

Show me the path – so I may return to it.

Dearest Spirit, I took for granted – the words you would send me to write as a lesson.

I ask forgiveness from all of my soul, please dear Spirit, will you guide me home.

Time To Heal (Warning Graphic Photos)


It’s been a little rough this time round. This is my 6th spine surgery.  This one was to change the positions of the paddles connected to my spine because the first surgical implant was causing abdominal nerve pain.

I now have full coverage of the nerves going down both legs that got crushed.  The paddles are placed at t9/t10 and the wires are brought down my spine to the left where there is a battery implanted under my skin. This control the wave/pulses that mask the nerve pain. The older scar is where they have removed damaged disks and fused my spine with hardware.


I once again am sharing this because I want others to know there is hope. There is no need to suffer in life altering pain. I’ve read so many stories of people giving up and becoming addicted to pain meds – I want to let people know it can get better. I am in some discomfort due to the second surgery being so close to the first. I have to take it easy for a Month to let the paddles heal in place. If it moves I could cause severe damage to my spinal column. This device might not be the answer for everyone who has nerve damage – it’s been a miracle for me. I welcome anyone interested in learning more about the spinal stim implant to leave me a message and I will gladly answer to perhaps help maybe someone else heal.


Thank you everyone for your prayers and healing energy – it made this surgery more peaceful and brought me strength through it all.



Dream Of Nature

sept23rd2015 070Can you touch the colors of nature?

Can you feel the whispers of creation?

Do you sleep walk into my imagination?

Your presence creates a reverberation.

Have you tasted the waters of life?

Will you share your luminous light?

It comes to the surface in the stillness of night.

Can you dance without your body?

Can you trace my lips with melody?

Do you experience the mystery?

It’s a perfect symmetry.

Come soar with me – beyond possibility, further then the mind can see;

infused with beauty – it’s a drop of infinity.

Just you and me… writing history – that lasts eternity.

This is the dream of nature.

Thečhíȟila kštó

Oct12th2015 055For you with wings I speak,

For you with kindness I seek,

For you with heart I watch,

For you with humility I long to touch.

For you with trust, I listen deeply;

For you who is honest, I kneel in your beauty.

May all the wonders of creation rise in your presence,

May the sun and sky bathe you in their essence.

May the galaxies illuminate your steady path,

May the seas and forests honor your mask.

As you sleep, may your dreams heal your soul;

As you take your last breath,

May Great Spirit call you home.

Here in the silence – I sit under the tree,

Sending you light through eternity.

You Were Ashamed Of Me

Augsunset18th2012 171

I sometimes wish, I could go back to the ignorant bliss.

Back to that space where I trusted everything you said.

You spoke with such fluidity, you knew just what to say to me.

I had such profound respect.

I would have given everything for a single moment – in your presence.

I’ll never understand your intent,

I forgive… but I’ll never forget.

I have no regret, just a little emptiness.

I know that the connections pushed aside on this life path – won’t continue after this.

What could not be healed when given the chance – must be left.

The one thing that I would not have  conceived – how you became ashamed of me.

Hiding all the creations, under some strange name of make believe.

That says everything.

Spirit does not sit on a fence, there is no doubts or elusive promise;

It was a gift… of experience.

The Healer Of Song (For Simon Le Bon)

Sept27th2014 643

It’s not a phenomenon, it’s not a religious right or dogma;

It’s the blend of words and tone.

It’s what is known.

When a life feels ignored and alone, when a fragile moment stops the flow.

When a heart is not sure where to go.

It’s a lifeline, a gentle light,

When they’re not sure how to make it through the night.

It’s a space to go deep and dream awhile.

It pulls a mind to softly unwind.

It uplifts a soul, it changes the sensation from numb to whole.

You must trust the flow.

You are a healer – as you weave your melody,

It’s not some miraculous intervention – it’s honest harmony.

Please believe.

It gives the tears a safe place to fall,

It makes a smile form, where there seems no hope at all.

It moves the life to create,

It holds the space.

So when you sing your song,

To all who are listening,

You bring this beautiful glistening – and take us on a journey.



lunasept28th2015 045

All that draws us to what is beyond the clouds,

All that covers our eyes with shrouds,

An ancient luminous sphere’s presence;

Holds our attention in the cosmic heavens.

All the mysteries are outlined,

All the symphonies are divine – when you listen in the center of your mind.

Are you brave to leave it all behind?

What far reaches are on this course?

The beauty is how it pulls us inward.

How bright is the Source?

It’s a prism of all creation in the single beat of the heart.

Perception is in flux, life is a paradox;

Worlds collide when the moment is right – in the stillness of the night.

Don’t become a recluse;

Allow the kiss of the Muse,

Here is where energy will fuse,

The soul turns blue – whispers become tantra and love is fluid.

Congruent is the synchronicity between me and you.

Come through… and touch infinity.


sunsetsept19th2015 059

You set the tone, the sky came so close;

All the sensations could be felt, my soul began reaching out.

In a state of wonder, in a space of inspiration – your heart taught me fascination.

I experienced you in all creation.

Complete elation.

You set the pace, with your symphonic grace  – I seen you far away, with a smile on your face;

I wanted to infuse you with love.

You set the dream on fire, left a key for the muse to feed the desire.

You are not alone.

In the violet parchment horizon, a wish turned the light on;

If you believe and trust in miracles,

We will break this silence.


fullmoonAug29th2015 003You appeared as a luminous apparition  in the galaxy;

A conjunction was created from nothing,

All the lucid dreamers began to reach – you poured down your energy.

Rise to me as you breathe.

All the planets aligned, you kissed my mind;

I left my fragile body behind.

Everything centered, a mantra of ether, your pull like heaven.

Souls congruent, synchronicities  movement;

No sense of humanity could ever prove this.

Please stay in this space with me,

Please trust the Angels,

Existence is a vibration that’s changing.

You infuse me…

Celestial and eternal beauty.


Sonic Architecture (Inspired by John Taylor)


Layers of sound rebound across the sky,

You are the architect of sonic design.

In the center of the mind – is a vivid light,

It stretches like melody that brought us through the night.

You touch the strings like you’re weaving a web,

They pulse and vibrate with every breath.

You modulate like thunder in the distance.

Time here is irrelevant.

Creating a vortex of chords,

Changing the tone through the space that is born.

You have the mastery to bend all noise,

You oscillate and dilate with every word,

This is what is heard.

You are the symphonic matrix,

We close our eyes and listen – to the sonic architect.

A Glimpse

Aug13th2015 061

The sky showed the sun how to rise;

Just allow your light.

The water trusted the experience and reflected in sincerity;

The horizon created the harmony for the moment of beauty.

The distance allowed the gulls to cry and left their hint across the mind.

The trees held high the fire and outlined the mystery.

This is the truth of Creation,

A moment so prefect,

It could only reveal to the soul.



From Within – Moving Throughout

Aug8th2015 064 Aug8th2015 155

Right in the center of our being – radiates a light.

All creation reveals this in our eyes.

It calms the sentient mind – so we can be deeply inspired.

We must let go of the how or the why;

There is no answer that would let our soul be satisfied.

Just let your breath expand your senses,

The body has such denseness, thoughts can become relentless;

Don’t focus on it, move it and bend it.

What did your Spirit pull you through as you dream?

What did that whisper sound like as you weep?

What was that melodic rhythm that caressed you as you sleep?

Want to be free?

Love without mercy, create infinity, trace the beauty and share it with everybody.

Mystery is calling, our heart if falling into destiny.

This is the experience of possibility.

Trust – the journey.



Au2nd2015 012

So many things I would have said;

So many words – not enough breath.

Years of inspiration that created all that’s immaculate.

The most profound silences.

Shadows and whispers of  a daydreaming sentient.

Exploring the wondrous.

Reconstructing a moment, touching deep solace, trusting the process.

Choices and decisions,

A feeling, a healing, an accomplishment.

If I could paint the vision;

If I could sing the prisms;

If I could plant the gardens, raise the children,

Touch the sunset.

I’d have no regrets.

As I call your name across the vast divide –  It comes to focus,

These are the wings of experience.

The Droplet

July22nd2015 116

Years passed, I held on to the dream like a droplet on a feather.

I would not let it blend with the water, I would not forget it’s creation.

I floated for a millions moments, keeping it centered;

Sometimes I had to let it reach my very tip… but I could not release it.

I waited and hoped with the loyalty of a prayer;

I cried so deeply that the rain bowed in my presence.

Then one day at the edge of the ocean – I noticed I was no longer echoing;

I called across the universe and my consciousness answered.

I searched for the sound of your static;

I heard the collective of iridescent matter.

In that space of surrender and grace… I gave the dream to the Masters.

The droplet left  the feather;

It became part of the whole sea filled with people asking…

“Is it real?”

The purpose answered… “it’s what makes you feel.”

I watched the experience of the feather.

It began to sink in the waters.

The dream no longer needed the carrier.

I knew it then – my dream was over,

It’s now The Fire of Heaven.


July17th2015 256


You seen I forgot my way home;

You went past the person and talked to the soul.

You understand what it means to be still;

To listen, to surrender, to be whole.

In your kindness I experienced the light of gold.

In your selfless intention – there was an intervention;

A prayer to Source – to remember the journey and stay on course.

I am grateful to thee.

Know that on this day, in your loving way… you’re an angel to me.


fireworks2015 001

I might look different now,
But I still try to walk the same ground.
I might not stand as strong,
But my core is still moved by the beautiful songs.
I might take longer then you to climb out of bed,
But when my feet touch the floor – I know I’m blessed.
I might have to sit a moment and take a rest,
But I love to watch everyone dancing in bliss.
I might need assistance to tie my shoes, to carry the groceries, get the trashcan to move;
But if you look in my eyes, you’ll see I’m true.
I might not be able to do what I did,
But I love just as deep and choose how to live.
Some call it challenge, some call it injury, some see it as a disability;
Not me;
My heart is still strong and my soul is free.
I learned some time ago…
It’s how we move the energy.

Negative Equation

June23rd2015sky 002

Why complain about complaining?
Why see this dark cloud;
I try to show you it’s not raining.
On the defensive,
Why do all you see is blaming?
There is no real problem,
There is no one shaming.
Why so negative, what’s with this vibe?
Not sure what brought you to this point,
This is no way to survive.
Take a walk, go for a drive;
Release the anger,
Calm the mind.
Fury can make a person blind,
One deep breath at a time,

Why do you think everyone is out to get you?
What is the reason for this attitude?
Embrace some gratitude.
No one is trying to change you,
Sometimes it’s about seeing another view,
It does not mean you lost some fight,
What is more important – understanding… or being right?
Just trying to shed some light.
Not trying to preach, just kind advice.
We’ve all got a faults, we’ve all got our limits,
We’ve all had our patience tested, this is how we’re expanded;
Not by causing emotional damage.
When I misunderstand, I open my heart… not my hand;
I look in the mirror, I ask if it’s worth it;
What is my purpose?
Will it make a difference?
Or is it… just a reaction because I feel they don’t listen.
Anger is emotion, it’s not the solution.

The Realms Of Music

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There is a music created in the stars;
In the stillness and the silence – we hear it in our hearts.
There is melody that rings with perfection,
Every note is played with intention.
There is a symphony with crescendos of light;
Born from the dreams we release in the night.
From an existence where harmony is life;
Where flowers and waters sing truth to our eyes.
Angels resonate like earthly wind chimes.
You can touch this space in the center of your mind.
You can feel each tone one breath at a time.
Where we are the song that always inspires.


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When eyes meet;
When every breath between us in multi – sensory;
The slightest touch creates synergy.

As space becomes imaginary;
No words spoke to me, only visions of eternity;
It all fits perfectly, the beautiful symmetry;
A thought infuses molecular creativity.

Suddenly, a gap in reality;
A perspective shifts into belief;
Questioning the purpose of connectivity;
Then the push of fear begins it’s taunting seed.

What is electricity?
A force? A fusion? An ion and neutron collision?
Science has it’s explanation;
The mind has a fascination;
The soul feels it’s dilation;
Creation… knows it’s the experience of you and me.

The Garden

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It started with the broadest smile;
My heart opened and the flowers went for miles.
You laughed with surrender and out poured the sun;
It rose through me as a vibration.
I knew we were home.
Such peace and harmony, nothing serious, just simplicity.
Every flower had a eternal melody,
This is where you reach me.
I hope my life, will never forget the dream.

My Spinal Cord Stim Implant ( warning – some photos with graphic content) Updated…

I would not usually write about such a thing in my blog. I share poems and photos here. I have been asked a lot (I was blown away actually) with interested folks asking exactly what a Spinal cord stim implant is and why I have one.

I thought I would explain as it is a bit easier to do it this way then send so many E – mails or messages.

A quick rundown of what happened to my spine. In 2002 I was in a cross walk and was hit at 70mph by a very young driver on a cell phone who went through the light. I am not going to discuss this end of it – but am explaining what the first injury was from.

I will however say that I am very grateful to still be here after being hit at that speed.

I had some injuries to my shoulder, knee, head at that time since have healed well.

My herniation in L/4 L5 had blown out and was pressing on nerves. It took lots of physical therapy to get to the point I could walk correctly and it seemed like I would be fine. It was then in 2006 when I had hit the floor and could not feel my legs. I had moved wrong and the herniation utterly blew out. I was given a surgery that freed up the nerves and it healed ok.

I had been getting some pain now and then and some tingly feelings in my legs but it was nothing I could not deal with day to day. In 2009 It happened again; I was sitting in a class I was taking and lost feeling in my legs. I was scared at this time because nothing I could explain brought it on. Again, (different surgeon) freed up another nerve and with major physical therapy I was walking again and though it took more time this round – I was able to heal it well.

Years had gone by, in 2012 I bent wrong and hit the ground, this time I did not get up. I lost feeling in my foot and the pain was making me pass out. Went to ER and spent about 10m days in hospital. After many Dr opinions and tests I was told my spine was collapsing and if I did not get a fusion I would be in a wheelchair for good. It was in 2013 after having over 30 spinal block injections, physical therapy, lots of opiates and medications and nothing was helping. I went with the fusion but because it took so long for me to finally find the surgeon who knew what it was, I lost the feeling in my foot and use of it. The Surgery secured my spine though I wound up with a puncture to my Dura that caused a bad leak (left me in hospital for almost 3 weeks and laying flat on my back) I got through it and began to heal once again. Though my spine was a bit more stable, the nerve damage at many levels was without exaggeration, very painful. I am not one to take pain pills and it felt like even those and at times, Morphine and Dilauded drips could not make the nerve pain calm down. It got to the point I was not sleeping or able to do much. I began to lose all feeling and use of my left leg all the way to my foot. It was the kindness and dedication of my GP that got me a custom leg/foot brace that allows me to walk without using my walker as much. The pain was still controlling me though. I was able to re-connect with my surgeon who did my second surgery and he told me about the spinal cord stimulator. He was honest and said he could not fix the damage done to my nerves. even though my spine has now begun to curve to the right and I still have a herniation pushing on nerves in L3/L4 he felt the risk of going back into the same spot as the fusion would be way to high risk. He told me that this SCS was created for people like me who were at the end of the line so to speak. So I said OK! I am willing to try this.

The trial was implanted on May 1st and it did not go too well. I had a not usual experience where the stim was triggering my uterus to go into spasm and it felt like I was in labor for 3 days. They kept me in the hospital to figure it out.

This was the trial implant, The wires are implanted in my spine at the T 10 level. Then the wires were pulled down my spine and outside my body was the stim device that had different programs that caused a tingly feeling down my legs that stopped the nerve pain (but gave me other challenges at that time)

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My custom brace I am grateful for. ❤


This was the Rocky Mountain fever in Aug 2011



I went home and sadly because of the reaction, had to wait to get it tuned correctly and the day before the perm implant, I finally got the relief I was asking for in my legs.

On May 8th they did the perm implant.

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This time the device is under my skin and the wires are inside my spine. I have a remote control that the Representatives who created the device create different programs for me to try that gives different sensations. I am still not getting any relief in my back but my legs are amazing. No pain. I am having some challenges with my right leg feeling numb and the wounds are still kinda sensitive. I am getting abdominal cramps from it badly and a few other things that need adjusting. So far, so good. I cannot say yet if it was worth all the pain of getting it implanted for my back, but the pain in my legs it sure is.

I’ve left a lot out of this because it would become mundane and complaining sounding if I added anymore. I am grateful for my life and this challenge has taught me more then I could ever put into words. Life is a gift and everything is a lesson to expand us. I am and always will be trusting of why things happen.

Thank you for taking time to read my blog. I am deeply grateful for all those who gave me loving support and encouragement during it all. My love always.


I am utterly in awe with the love and kindness of so many who have had life altering challenges respond to me (in private) I respect this deeply; that I wanted to touch base on just a few more things I believe are relevant.

All of us, I and I know this for sure – have had life altering experiences. No matter what that might be, we all have or will face this. Pain is transient and even though some of us experience chronic pain – it does not define us. I have had a few health challenges besides this; including a heart attack in 2011 and Rocky mountain fever a month after. Both of those left me feeling as if it was the worst experience I could have. It WAS in the moment. My point in this is; all of these things taught me the strongest most healing lesson of it all. It’s a moment. It’s an experience; it’s something everyone can relate with and it creates the space within us to see how strong of a will we really all do have.

I have met many folks who have/are living and healing from Cancer, Lupus, different blood disorders, accidents that left them paralyzed, blind, even dealing with post traumatic stress. Some are born with health challenges of the mind and of the body that make me inspired to know them because they are still here, still never giving up.

I am grateful to talk to many who taught me about natural healing, meditation, healthy foods and herbs that help.

Thank you to all those who share their stories in hope to help others to be inspired to hold on and not feel alone in their challenges.

Most of all, I wanted to up date this to say thank you to all those who on a daily biases care for all of us who have had challenges (no matter what they are) and stand by us unconditional. It takes a very strong heart/soul to watch a loved one go through such experiences and feel helpless at times or not know what to do. To take on daily tasks and then some out of love/friendship.

Thank you once again all who have read this far and I would love so much to know your story and connect with you if you have experienced something no matter what that is that changed your life and revealed your strong soul to you.



Why must we give a name, to bring an experience into this plane.

Why does the miracle become analytical?

Why must we define, another place – another life?

What is space when souls collide?

What gives a Muse its sacred space?

The fascination of its emotional grace?

How does she move you from far away?

She surfaces your silence and gives voice to your dreams.

Nothing is ever what it seems.

Why must distance be such a hindrance?

When you can’t touch her, when you can’t embrace her;

She can serve as inspiration.

This exchange brings elevation – not information or separation.

Why draw this line between heart and mind?

Convictions and convincing just wasting time.

We are the expression of being alive!

Love is a word, can it truly be heard?

Create that beautiful truth as a verb?

In between heart beat and breath – is creation and silence and the music of stillness.

Sound surrounds, the quiet rebounds;

The truth echoes, the universe grounds.


Is loud.

Oh Beautiful Angels (Thank You)

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Oh beautiful Angels, I am still so grateful.
When my whole being begged, when my soul knelt on the edge;
When you knew my prayers of love were honest,
You listened.
I heard you sing and shine from beyond.
I felt your warmth.
I knew you called oceans and pulled strong – to bring together what belonged.
I know you synchronized and created visions of light – as my Spirit requested in this life.
Oh beautiful Angels, you never let go;
You cried with me when my heart broke.
You know.
You held me so close, you surrounded me and brought me home.
In your mercy and glory I am in awe.
You’re never far.
You inspire a fire of trust in the stars.
Teach me to serve as you are.
Thank you – for walking with me this far.